Friday, June 28, 2013

Change of Address

Heads up! I moved my blog to http://tallglassofoj.org
Be sure to update your bookmarks or RSS subscriptions!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Recap

I want to start by saying that I'm not complaining about anything here, just mind dumping and commenting. Apparently I can't comment about anything without it being a complaint soooo...

Anyway! SELF was this past weekend. It didn't suck as much as last year. I still have trouble getting into the puppy headspace, which affected the demo. In my defense it was at 9:30 AM WHICH STILL SUCKS. It was made abundantly clear that a puppy class does not work that early in the morning. Yet we got stuck in that time slot again. Loki's still damn good at teaching that class though, even running on only a few hours of sleep. We (the pack) also helped him teach an Electro 101 class. Again, Loki knows his shit.

The vendor mart has always been somewhat disappointing for me. It's previously seemed to be skewed more towards the S&M side of things than the B&D. This year felt more balanced though. I picked up a nice metal play collar for myself because fuck it, it's hot and I like collars.

I tied up Soma and abused him a good bit. He's the sole exception to my preference for B&D over S&M. So many fun faces and noises…

My SELF ended early on Saturday though, as I wanted to sneak out and play with a guy who was visiting town from Tennessee. He's one of those rare (at least in the southeast) guys that identifies as Dominant without an emphasis on sadism. So I jumped at the opportunity, packing my bags and driving across town to get tied up.

So I probably failed to communicate properly, and what I expected to be an overnight Dom/sub scene ended up being a two hour bondage and edging session with some Dom/sub time. Don't get me wrong though, I still had a complete blast. I have an obscenely difficult time letting go and getting into the proper headspace, focusing on whatever senses haven't been blinded/gagged and trying to figure out what's coming next. It took me a while but I finally found my happy place and gave in. Dude knows what he's doing and does it well. Two thumbs up from me.

Then I had my orgasm. It's probably time to start mentioning that I have a short fuse when the discussion of limits comes up. I spent a few more minutes tied up, we chitchatted and then he untied me and I took my exit.

Lessons learned? Communication is important. Even if it's awkward, getting everything out in the open beforehand and laying out expectations will be more beneficial than anything else in the long run.

Additionally, I don't think I'm as innate a puppy as other pups. Getting into that headspace is more difficult for me than getting into a submissive headspace. I think that works in my favor though, seeing as how it's good to have someone in the group who can (try) to herd other puppies when the need arises (as demonstrated in St. Louis).

Couple other notes… got my hair buzzed. I'm really happy with the way it looks, it'll stay like this for a while. I'm planning to visit Florida and meet someone on my "drop everything" list for the first time since we started talking two years ago. Starting to get excited about that.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Fucking philosophy

If there's one thing I don't care about, it's fucking. I just don't like it. Bottoming is impossible for me, and I'm sensitive enough that topping is unpleasant at best. For me, a scene doesn't need to work up to taking a dick up the ass or me demolishing some helpless guy. I don't even like getting blow jobs for christ's sake.

So basically, what the fuck? This usually isn't a problem when I'm in a dominant role. Regardless of who gets off, I like to think that everyone involved usually has a good bit of fun. The story changes all together when I'm the one getting tied. Yes, being helplessly bound in a compromising position is an immense turn on, but that stops the instant someone starts trying to slide their finger in me. That hurts more than I can properly elucidate. Even if you manage to get me past the mind-bogglingly unpleasant pain, it's still riotously uncomfortable for me.

Again, for the most part this isn't an issue. The people who I sub for with any regularity either know my limits or aren't interested in that, which is fine. This system breaks down when I find myself at a bar or in a random encounter where my limits either haven't or can't easily be expressed. Nothing kills a hot gropefest faster than having to bat someone's hand away from my ass and explain that I'm so fucking absurdly sensitive. Hookups? Noooope. Yeah, you're hot and I'd love to spend the evening cuddling with you, but oh you're just interested in fucking? Ok bye.

Aaaaaanyway, couple more things worth noting.

• As initially suspected, I can now confirm that I don't like pain. I'm not a masochist, chewing on my nipples or ears does nothing for me. Again, incredibly sensitive body. Yeah, I'm bummed too. If you are absolutely, 100% dead-set on inflicting pain, for the love of all that is holy, start slow. Don't just jump right into bite-mark city.

• Stop. Tickling. Me. Just fucking stop. I hate it. It's not a turn on. It just kills the mood for me and makes me tired. Yes, I'm loud, yes it's probably goddamn hilarious and it breaks the ice like nobody's business but I'm sick of it. The accidental tickling thanks to my absurdly sensitive skin is more than enough, thank you very much.

• I'm not addressing anyone directly with these last two posts. I know the last one was interpreted that way and this one sure as hell can be, but that's not my intention. I'm thinking of this as a way to clear the air and lay out my limits well beforehand. I understand that this comes across as incredibly passive-aggressive and bitchy, but I think it's more important to put everything out there all at once. Please don't interpret this as me being angry at one specific person. I'm not.

Let's end this on a positive note!
Wanna see what I did to (the insanely hot) @SomaBoyAtl? From the back and from the front. Then I got tied up by a guy from kink.com!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Entitlements

*sigh*

Every time I bring this up I get chastised for being a "whiny subby puppy" or something along those lines. Granted, I am far more fortunate than a good many people I know/see on Recon and Twitter, but that's always seemed like a cheap shot to me. Furthermore, I'm having trouble elucidating what I *DO* want. Perhaps this will help.

I'm really not happy with the way I've been playing. Getting tied up and beaten or shocked or bitten senseless is fun, but I don't really enjoy it. Wanna know what I do enjoy? Being forced to strip while He watches. Being forced down on all fours into pup mode. Being left like that. I love having a well-worn boot or jockstrap shoved into my face, or even better, having it stuck there. I enjoy having my phone taken away, locked (not wiped) and useless to me. I enjoy wearing just my collar and a cock cage and not having a choice in the matter. I enjoy forced exercise, haircuts and having to ask (and not getting) permission to use the bathroom. Don't hang weights from my balls and slap my cock around, but do shove me into a sleepsack, or give me orders. Expect them to be followed and THEN flog me if I didn't. Hitting me with a whip doesn't do anything, grabbing my collar and forcing your feet in my face gives me a huge boner. Ditto for boot worship, or, hell, if you're into it, drag me to the shower and piss on me (not after incalculable cups of coffee though).

You wanna know what I've always wanted to try? Eye contract restrictions. Being forced to stand in a corner or in a stress position. Speech restrictions. Forced masturbation. Someone telling me what to wear or eat. Being left chained up somewhere (with just a loop of chain locked around my ankle). And I'm not joking when I say I like wearing stuff (not just restraints) and having it locked on.

If there's a balance between your sadism and my lust for power exchange, that's perfect. But if it's just me getting flogged or whipped (and not even tied to the cross), I'd rather seek my fun elsewhere. If you want to be on the receiving end of pain like that, great! I know a few guys who can help you out. If you'd rather try some of the stuff I listed, hit me up. The least I can do is dish it out.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

God made a Gay Kinkster

And on the eighth day, God looked down on his planned paradise and said I need someone to have fun-
So God made a gay kinkster…

God said I need somebody willing to get up before dawn, shine sirs boots, get flogged all day in the dungeon, shine sirs boots again, eat supper out of a pup bowl and then go to the leather bar and stay past midnight raising money for charity-
So God made a gay kinkster…

I need somebody with arms strong enough to flog a sub and yet gentle enough to deliver the tenderest possible aftercare; somebody to call pups, tame cantankerous slaves, come home horny, have to await sexytimes until his husband's done entertaining visiting kinksters, then tell the kinksters to be sure and come back real soon, because I mean damn-
So God made a gay kinkster…

God said I need somebody willing to sit up all night with a sub in a sleepsack, and watch him sleep, then edge the crap out of him and say maybe next year. I need somebody who can fist a bottom with both hands, straightjacket a boy two times his size, who can worship boots at a moments notice, jock sacks and harness straps, who at contest time and leather pride will finish his four play sessions by Tuesday noon and then, paining from CB restricted boners, will put in another seven sessions-
So God made a gay kinkster

God had to have somebody willing to ride the gay pride parade float at double speed to get the leather in ahead of the rain, and yet stop in midstreet and give those assholes from Westboro something to remember-
So God made a gay kinkster…

God said I need somebody strong enough to take electro to the balls and shaft, yet gentle enough to show new kinksters what it is that we do; who will stop his scene for an hour to comfort a boy when they break. It had to be somebody who’d plow deep and straight and never, ever bareback; somebody to get tested regularly, and be tolerant of everyone's kink, even if they don't share the same interest and replenish the tray of jello shots on bar night and a hard week’s worth of play with a five hundred mile drive to the convention. Somebody who would bale a leather family together with the hard, strong bonds of kink and love; who would laugh and then sigh, and reply with smiling eyes when his sub says he want to start exploring his dominant side-
So God made a gay kinkster…

A response to that superbowl ad.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Laissez les bons temps rouler

Some things never change, like Loki experimenting with rope.

The Front
and
The Back

Monday, December 3, 2012

Redirect

Apologies for those that had to put up with my vague, emotional twitter postings yesterday. I tend to try and avoid that, but sometimes it's good to put it out there. That said, I feel like I owe everyone an explanation and update on where I am in life.

So I've got three reasons for why I'm involved in the kink community. One, I like bondage and the various fetishes that go hand in hand with that, so I like to play as much as possible. Two, I'm hoping to build the community and increase the pool of potential play mates and three, I'm hoping to find a long-term relationship with someone who's equally kinky.

That third item feels gross to write, almost desperate, but it's true. Ever since I figured out I was gay (after I figured out I was kinky), I've had this goal of finding a boyfriend that would enjoy tying me up and vice versa. Over the years that goal has expanded somewhat, especially into the sub/dom and sadomasochistic areas, but the main goal has always been there.

While the first and second goals have been fulfilled time and time again, three remains just out of reach. Which isn't to say I haven't been trying, of course. We're all well-aware of how much the gay dating scene sucks (especially in Atlanta it seems), so I won't bore you with the details. Suffice to say, it's been challenging.

Part of the challenge thus far has been my relationship with Loki. When we started out as Sir and boy 14 months ago, the idea was that it would be a mentor/mentee relationship designed to help me learn how things work. That went out the window almost immediately and quickly evolved into something more "real". The twist, however, is that Loki is married and has a husband. Luckily for me, their relationship is open and allowed Loki and I to do what we both enjoyed. Unfortunately, we had to remain as platonic as possible, the first rule was that I was always his second priority.

And, y'know, that was fine. Wearing his collar, knowing I was under his care and protection when we were out or even just together made me incredibly happy, to the point where just seeing him put me in subspace. But there wasn't the emotional connection, the person I could come home to after a long day and talk to. He wasn't someone I could go to sleep with and wake up next to in the morning (except at far-too-infrequent events). I never wanted that kind of relationship with him either, it wasn't ever in the cards.

This created a sort of void in my life, one that I tried to fill repeatedly. I opened a profile on OKCupid, I started opening Grindr more frequently (I've heard a few success stories, shutup). I started doing something I never expected to: dating. I met people, I tried new things, I made new friends. I never hid the fact that I was kinky or collared, hoping to at least fulfill goals 1 and 2. Unfortunately, the collar situation continually caused problems. I know for a fact that at least three guys were intimidated by the collar and "everything else", killing whatever chance I had with them.

Pride rolled around. A friend suggested maybe I'd have more luck if I wasn't parading around in a collar this year, maybe I'd have a better shot. For the sake of experimenting, I agreed and sought Loki's permission to do just that. He was aware of my frustrations surrounding dating and allowed me to go out collar-less. Ultimately, I don't know if it helped, but it was a relief to know that I didn't necessarily have to disclose my relationship to everyone and risk ending something prematurely. For the sake of continued experimentation, I asked Loki if I could stay uncollared while he was away on business in China for several weeks, citing the previously stated reasons.

I had a good bit of fun and definitely enjoyed myself. Not being collared opened me up to making more decisions for myself, like allowing a mutual friend to shave my head (I think it's a good look) and playing with some different people at Dominion. Loki and I discussed recollaring when he got back from China and we weren't able to find a solution that lets me present myself as a single guy while still being a collared boy.

Where does that leave us? I don't do anything normally, it seems like most things I do in life happen outside of a normal "system", including relationships. I don't think of myself as Loki's collared boy, but I don't foresee us playing any less or the power dynamic changing when we're in a scene or even at an event together. I can't help but draw parallels between this phase of our relationship and what he went through with Master Dan. It's almost as if there's a "circle of kink".

Loki is an amazing, wonderful person. If you get an opportunity to play with him, I strongly encourage anyone to take it. Never before have I had such a positive experience with anyone. A friend of mine once told me that if there's anyone I could have picked to be a submissive to, Loki was the best. That rings true even today, the lessons and experiences I've had with him have helped to positively define me as a kinkster and served as the catalyst for countless positive changes in my life.

Cliche, I know, but don't view this as the end, but instead as a new chapter in a long book. Or an entirely different book in a long series.