tallglassofoj

Madcap MAL Recap

2012-01-19T14:14:00.000-08:00

//This is a bit ramble-y (hooray stream of consciousness)

How do you sum up three days of hardcore, intense action among some of the hottest guys from around the world and vendors with top-quality gear? I know I sure as hell can't do it justice, so this will have to be a quick recap.

We got up (motherfucking) early on Friday morning for the 11(!) hour drive from Atlanta to DC. I wasn't behind the wheel, but I rode shotgun while Loki drove the entire trip and *I* was exhausted. We go to the hotel around 1700-1800 and pretty much crashed after dinner/socializing in gear down in the lobby. I had the distinct pleasure of meeting so many guys I've seen on Recon but never spoken with before. Say goodnight, roll back up to the room, crash.

Everyone woke Saturday morning and decided that the breakfast buffet in the lobby was worth it (mostly for the eye-candy) before we went down to check out the vendors. I had a few things on my list I wanted to check out, namely a Mr. S Neoprene breath control hood and a 665 Leather neoprene sleepsack (are we seeing a trend here?). Both items were amazing and quickly found their way into my shopping bags after beating up my wallet a bit. Our shopping finished, we went back to the room to prepare for our next event.

> The harness Loki put me in while we were at the market

If you've read my previous entries, you'll note that I've very recently started to get deeply into pup play and the pup romp/mosh at MAL sounded like it would be an excellent first experience for me. But before I could go down there, I had to get my tail in. Even though it was a small square peg tail, I still expected to have trouble getting it in (zero experience with the ass). It slid right in though and even felt a little loose. Loki rectified that by sticking me in His tail harness which kept things from moving around too much. With that, Loki locked some fistmitts on me and clipped a leash on my collar and we headed downstairs to the ballroom where things were just getting started. He had previously mentioned that He wanted to take a few moments and help me get into the headspace beforehand, but that didn't happen. I was essentially thrown to the wolves (yeah, I know) and left to fend for myself. Luckily though, the hood Loki put me in provided some degree of anonymity and helped put me at ease with the whole thing. Even after the hood came off (latex doesn't really lend it self to moshing) I felt very at-ease and started to have a lot of fun. I had to scurry back up to the room early though to take off the harness and tail though, started to get some pretty bad pain from both.

> Perfectly sums up my general personality

My post-shower bed lounging was interrupted by Loki deciding to tie up our roommate (Mark) and give him some CBT, courtesy of a parachute and the room's ice bucket. While Mark did his best to keep the bucket off the floor, Loki got out my sleepsack and hood before zipping me into both. Unable to move or see and barely audible, Loki took advantage of the situation and did His best to make me make as much noise as possible, swapping between CBT and edging (after telling me I wasn't allowed to shoot that weekend). Whenever I got too loud, He simply stuck a hand over the hole in the hood and easily kept me quiet (sidebar: the one issue I have with the hood is that there's no one-way valve to exhale out of like a gas mask).

> New toy!

We were both released in short order so we could go grab dinner in the lobby (again, eye-candy wins) before getting social with all the other gear heads in the lobby. A few minutes into the mingling, I had what can only be described as my worst failure to date. This super-cute guy in a wetsuit walked by and everyone's heads turned to follow him as he passed. He wandered over a few minutes later to introduce himself and we started talking back and forth about wetsuits etc. Since Tebow's got no game though, that's where it ended. Loki later pointed out that he was waaaaaay into me and we probably would have been able to have a whole bunch of fun. I'm still kicking myself over it.

> Being a good puppy

That little disaster behind us, BoD0ppel and SparkySea came over to say hello. Well, Bo did, Sparky was a little wrapped up in a straitjacket and pup hood. Somehow or another, we wound up back in Bo and Sparky's room. Almost as soon as Sparky had been extracted from his SJ, the door burst open and the room was suddenly filled with what can best be described as a menagerie of cute, kinky guys. I mostly sat in the corner and watched/tried to stay out of the way, being the experienced, confident and totally not shy pup that I am. Ugh. This was my theme of the weekend: not having enough confidence to insert myself into what were totally appropriate places to insert myself. Grr.

After a few hours in the room (and Loki beating the ever-loving crap out of Bo's balls), we decided to turn in and call it a night.

Sunday morning, Loki treated me to locking me in the neoprene hood while He took a shower (Mark was in the other bed so I wasn't totally alone). This is the kind of thing I love, minimalist bondage for somewhat extended periods of time. Sure, I could get up and walk around if I wanted, but a single padlock and some well-designed zippers would prevent me from getting that hood off. Unf. After that, we hit up a local Starbucks for lunch before heading down to the market area for some more shopping. What was normally an intensely boring part of the day (seriously, how many styles of leather vests are there?) was made somewhat more bearable when I found a spandex blackout hood with just a mouth hole. I'm a hood-whore (in addition to being a collar whore), so this was an instabuy for me.

Our shopping finished, we dropped off everything in the room and met up with Brian and Leo for lunch at a local hole in the wall. After some uinspired burgers and simply reheated fries, we headed back to their hotel room to sit in on a basic rope lesson. I personally don't like to use ropes, they take too long and there's a lot of risk with circulation etc, but the techniques we learned seemed fairly applicable and safe, I'm looking forward to being able to use them at some point. We also had an opportunity to see one of the hottest guys I've ever seen (Chris) getting worked over by another rope expert. After he was released we had a chance to introduce ourselves and discovered that we'd been trying to meet up all weekend. Chris was all for doing something, but Loki was a bit hesitant. The guy who'd just tied him up is one of the best in the US and He didn't want to follow that. Chris and I hit it off pretty well though, so we quickly went up to our room and tried to decide what to do. I had wanted to top a little, but ran into problems not being sure how to initiate that sort of thing. Loki got fed up and started wrapping us together in saran wrap and duct tape. Loki helped position us so that I was laying on Chris's chest, totally unable to move, while his hands were free to do what they liked (mostly edging me in my chastity cage). The neoprene hood was brought out and zipped over my head. Loki unlocked His(my) cock and started on the breath control while Chris edged my newly freed cock. Whenever I said I was close to shooting, he'd stop edging and give my balls a few wacks before going right back to edging.

Loki had originally said that I wouldn't be allowed to shoot at MAL under any circumstances, but between the edging, CBT and breathplay, He relented and after about 15 minutes of the most intense play to date, He gave me permission to come. I shot and it was amazing. Loki cut me and Chris loose, he left and I hopped in the shower.

Later that night we got dinner with Sparky, Bo and the boys from the night before at a local irish place. Unfortunately, the weekend ended a bit abruptly with an 11 hour drive back to Atlanta early Monday and I don't want to bore anyone with those boring details.

So. MAL was an amazing experience and this was just the recap. At somepoint in the future I hope I can take some time to sit down and analyze my experiences and what I learned. This weekend was a watershed moment for my life in kink and this single post can't do it justice.

Blur

2011-12-21T15:24:00.001-08:00

I think I'm at another major checkpoint here. I've begun to gingerly step out of the shadows and from behind the curtains into a more public, active role in the community.

This past Saturday was Twisted Toyland at a local club. It's an annual, pansexual shopping and networking event similar to Winter Wonderland, just older and bigger. As always, Loki and I went to check things out and see what trouble we could get into. Brian and Leo joined us, along with ragincajun and His new boy, J. Alan and Nitro were manning the front counter representing Panther L/L but made frequent trips to check in with everyone at the corner of the bar we took over. Our group was rounded out by DJ and Brad, a relatively new guy.

So, back to the checkpoint. Loki voluntold me to help Alan and Nitro with a skit. Previously, I would have backed way the hell out of that. I've never really been confident acting, much less acting in a BDSM skit. But there's been a certain shift in my comfort levels with things like this. As evidenced by my exploits on this blog and elsewhere, I'd hazard to say that I'm actually pretty good at this BDSM thing. People tend to be really good at doing something they love and, well, here I am.

In one of my first posts here I said that I didn't know what my limits are and that it would almost certainly cause problems in the future. That issue raised its head on Saturday right before the skit. I'd spent most of the day serving as the go-to punching bag for pretty much everyone in the group. Pinching, tickling, gut punching, biting, you name it. I'm just fine with this, I'm a bit of a masochist and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the attention.

Like most things though, a little bit goes a long way. About half an hour before my call time, one of the hetero ladies came over and asked Loki if she could abuse me a bit, as she'd been dying to do so all evening. Loki obliged her and she tore into me, finishing me off with a few hearty bare palm slaps on my back. I broke. I could feel tears welling in my eyes, my back hurt like hell and I didn't want to disappoint Loki. After she left, I whispered that I wanted to sit down with Him for a few moments. He obliged.

After everything I'd done that day, it felt good to finally relax with Him, even for just a few minutes. At one point I had to stifle a few sobs into His neck. I don't know where they came from, but they weren't the happy tears you get from a good scene. I'm chalking it up to being overwhelmed.

I joined Alan, Nitro and a couple of other volunteers backstage. I was still feeling a bit emotional and I warned them both that I might chicken out. If you know Daddy Alan, you know He has a certain demeanor, a persona that works really well for Him. But that all vanished the instant I told them how I felt. He assured me that they wouldn't hold it against me if I did. Nitro hugged me. The skit started, the two ladies went ahead of me, I took a deep breath and walked out on stage.

...and I NAILED it. As I got off stage and made my way through the crowd back to Loki, more than a few people stopped me to say how great the skit was. So now Loki gets to deal with my ego. :D

The take away from all of this is that I now know roughly how far I can push myself. I'm not mad at anyone, nor is any one person at fault here. This event was inevitable and it's better that it happens now rather than later at something more intense, like MAL. I'm just glad that I've been fortunate enough to be surrounded by a bunch of really cool people.

Thirty Two Days

2011-12-15T17:18:00.001-08:00

One of things I gave up when I got collared was the privilege of jerking off whenever I wanted. I'm simultaneously dismayed and excited by this fact of life. On the one hand, I really enjoyed masturbating just like any(every)one else. Some of my best fantasies came out of those late nights right before I went to sleep. Opposite that, this restriction is one of the most powerful ways Loki can exert His control over me (thusly creating a positive feedback loop of being turned on and unable to do anything about, which gets me more turned on etc etc). Furthermore, when I do finally get to cum, the endorphin rush is powerful enough to make me curl up in a ball on the floor and giggle uncontrollably. That never happened before.

Part of this is pushing myself and seeing how long I can last. So far, I've asked (yes, asked) Loki if I could go for two weeks and then the month of November without shooting. I'm supremely pleased to report that I managed both of those periods without any real problems. That said, the month challenge was particularly difficult. For the first half, I kept telling myself that He'd break and let me shoot before the end of November. The latter half had me wondering about when I would actually be allowed to shoot again. He kept hinting that He wasn't going to let me do it until MAL or after that. There was a constant "will He/won't He" back in forth in my head during this time.

I spent last three weeks of November in a Bon4 chastity device on-loan from a friend. Enforced chastity is one of my all-time top favorite fetishes and actually being able to experience it was incredibly eye-opening. Where my previous experiments with a CB-6000 failed (I'm a bit big for it, good problem to have) the Bon4 was much more forgiving in that department. Another problem I've run into in the past is my foreskin. I'm uncut, so wearing a device and using the restroom can be a bit of a problem. The Bon4 was flexible enough that I was able to position the foreskin so as to avoid any unwanted issues.

Actually living out this fetish was interesting. Every time I went to touch/grab myself I ended up with a handful of sculpted silicone and almost no stimulation. Getting hard meant having my balls pulled painfully until it went away. And the midnight boner? Absolute murder. Copious amounts of lube on the ring helped keep chafing under control but it never lasted long enough.

So. 32 days after I last jerked off, I found myself at Loki's with a few hours to kill before lunch. What to do what to do what to do… I hadn't been excepting any sort of play or scene to happen, so I was pleasantly surprised when he told me to get undressed. This is honestly one of my favorite parts of any scene. Up until my pants come off, Loki and I are relatively well-behaved. A nice hug, a quick peck on the cheek. Once I'm down to my underwear though, His instincts seem to take over and He spends a few minutes essentially playing with His property. After that was all set and done, He tied my wrists to a swivel chair in His office and blindfolded me.

By this point, I was expecting Him to edge me for an hour or so and then cut me loose without any gratification. And then at about 45 minutes in, He told me to shoot. A few strokes later and all that pent up energy was released all at once. It was amazing beyond words. I was aware one the post-orgasm sensitivity boost but I had never done anything with it until now. Loki continued to stroke me well after I'd blown my load and He didn't stop. The sensitivity increased and a began to simultaneously laugh my head off and shriek in pain. As it turns out, I'm incredibly responsive to milking.

Now that I've had some real-world experience with chastity, both honor-based and enforced, I find myself thinking about getting off more frequently. Having it added to the reward/punishment cycle is a huge motivator for me to do what He says and expects. It is the most powerful tool of control He has over me and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

And since you stuck it out, here's a pic of me right after He tied me to the chair and let me shoot.

Assorted Musings

2011-11-29T12:29:00.000-08:00

This was originally written as an email and never intended to be made public, but He thinks it'll work so I've attached it below. Additional notes and context are italicized. Apologies in advance for the excessive use of smiley faces.

Sunday: Couple of things that I think might be worth putting on paper…

1. [REDACTED] The short version is that I made an excellent punching bag for a friend that needed to unwind after a crappy week.

2. Holy CRAP I loved the breath control. I've written before about how I love getting tied up and losing control but this took it to a whole new level. Definitely something I'd like to do more of. The parts where Leo cut me off completely were fun, but your breathing down the tube was a huge turn-on.

3. Pup play is probably my #1 interest right now. I've done a little here and there, as you've noticed and I think I'd like to shift into some sort of hybrid boy-pup…mentality? I dunno, can't really explain it. Am I allowed to switch titles like that, or merge them both?

4. [REDACTED] I've been popping boners lately when I remember that I don't have a key for the chain collar at all right now. The redacted bit was a few similarly themed thoughts along those lines. I'm not going to kiss and tell.

5. As much as I complain and beg about being able to shoot, I do enjoy it and the payoff is going to be oh-so-worth-it. Plus you like the begging right? :P

Currently 3 days short of not cumming once for the entire month of November.

So, this evening [Monday] I had some free time and decided to break in the hogtie clips.

I picked up one of these a few weeks ago from 1763, hadn't had a chance to play with them yet

Meh. If I'd had these three years ago, I'd be using them every time I played, but now the only thing they're good for is a quick hogtie and grinding wank (which I can't do anymore). I think the only way they can be used effectively is if the victim is wearing mitts.

That said, I did spend a few minutes hogtied wearing my cycling kit and your blindfold hood (which I keep forgetting to give back to you, along with the hat...). A jockstrap + cup made a nice improvised chastity device that kept most of the pressure off my cock.

Seriously, ready to burst over here.

There I was, smashing a couple of locks closed, had a bit of a brainwave, inspired by that serious pup play article posted on nosafeword. I think it looks damn hot, judge for yourself.

I really enjoyed that position, especially because it wasn't horribly uncomfortable and it just felt kinda... natural, I guess? Can we add his to the list of things to try sometime?

Anyway, your(my) cock has seen better days.

I'm uncut, so wearing a chastity device (a bon4 in my case) for extended periods poses a number of issues, so Loki gave me permission to take it off and let things readjust for a day or two. Any recommendations for a device uncut guys can use?

I'm not sure what caused it, but there's a patch of skin that's red and extremely painful when I touch it (rest assured I will definitely NOT be shooting), along with the foreskin around the head. I'll see if it clears up any over the next day or two and keep you posted. I think any future device use is going to necessitate proper foreskin placement to avoid any kinks when it comes to using the restroom. All that aside, it is nice to be able to wear my speedo or the singlet comfortably again.

Breakthrough

2011-11-15T05:59:00.000-08:00

I've got a huge backlog of scenes I'm under orders to write up and post here, but they're going to have to wait until after this one. Loki and I had a major breakthrough on Saturday and I want to get it down while the memory is still fresh.

First though, some background. This previous weekend was uniform fetish night at the eagle, followed by Wicked Wonderland (a fetish vendor mart thing) at 1763. Since these events were basically on top of each other, we decided it would be easiest if I spent the night at Loki's. After an uncomfortable night of trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in on the floor next to His bed, morning arrived and we got up. Sir had to finish prepping his chili for the competition and I assisted (of course). Fun fact: there is no such thing as "quick" shower when you shower with someone else ;) Finally, we arrived at 1763 a little before noon. While He got the chili set up and socialized with our hetero equivalents, I was sent out to pick up coffee and breakfast from Dunkin' Donuts, wearing the Mr. S Puppy Collar locked on (Sidebar: I need some dog tags if this is going to become a thing :)). The chili was judged shortly after I returned and Sir's took first place, netting Him a $100 gift card to the 1763 store. We stuck around for a few raffle drawings before we both realized how tired we were and elected to go back to His place for a quick nap. This didn't last very long though, as I had some errands to run back home, so he cut me loose for a few hours (but still in the collar).

I cooled my heels at home for a few hours before retuning to 1763 around 9 to meet up with Sir for the monthly Decadence party (a pansexual play party with flexible rules on sexual contact). We found a spot to set up, got ourselves situated and He told me to go change. I was lucky that He decided He wanted to see me in my karate uniform, it's one of my favorite pieces of fetishwear and I just don't get to break it out often enough. I returned to present myself to Him and He wasted no time in zipping a neoprene blackout hood over my head. After that, He locked a set of matching ankle/wrist/collar restraints on me and chained them all together so I was hobbled. He dragged me out into the main dungeon area and chained me to a St. Andrews Cross before pulling the uniform jacket down over my shoulders, exposing my bare back.

Flogging is not a turn on in the sense that it gives me a raging boner, I suspect this holds true for almost everyone else as well. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy it though. For reasons I can't quite explain, flogging is a cathartic experience for me. Nothing else matters when you're blind, helpless and chained to a cross having your back mercilessly beaten. That night's flogging didn't feel as intense as my previous experiences, but the atmosphere or the preceding 24 hours had my head in a new level of subspace. All it took was a few hits before I felt myself slipping away. It was the point where He paused, stepped close enough that I could hear Him through the hood and uttered two simple words, "good boy" that I finally gave in. I felt my eyes filling with tears. It only took a few more sets of impacts for me to finally give in and collapse, a sign I hoped he'd interpret as having had enough. He wasted no time in unhooking me from the cross (He used double-ended clips, not locks for that part) and helping me find a chair to sit down in. Leaving my limbs chained, he focused on getting the hood off of me for the first time in almost an hour. I expected to see Him smiling at me, proud that I'd taken as much as I had, or maybe I hadn't lasted long enough and He'd be cross with me. But the instant the hood came off my head I saw a different emotion altogether. Concern. He was worried about me, worried that I was genuinely hurt or worse. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I started crying for real. He dropped everything and got down to embrace and then hold me in His arms while I choked out a few sobs into His neck. Neither of us said anything for a long time. Someone's fireplay globe shattered near us and since I wasn't wearing shoes, Loki had to run out and grab mine from the locker. While He was gone, I took a few moments to collect my thoughts and try to figure out why I was crying.

In the five months since I met Him, Loki has broadened my horizons in ways I never expected. He's pushed me to do things I never saw myself doing. I can't express how much time and effort He's poured into making sure every scene, every experience is as memorable as possible. There used to be so many things I was insecure and unsure about. Up until Saturday, I felt like this was all just a game, a temporary blip in my life that would pass eventually.

My words are failing me, I can't accurately sum up what I'm feeling/thinking right now. As much as I hate to rely on it as a crutch, the conclusions will be left up to the reader on this one as well :)

B&L Weekend

2011-10-16T07:15:00.000-07:00

This is a few weeks older than it should be :3----

The last four months have been such a whirlwind of activity and new experiences for me that writing about all of them has become an impossible task. That said, important watershed moments are still worth reflecting on and I think I've got a big one this time.

Atlanta Dominion was two weeks ago now and, as always, was a complete blast. Unfortunately, Loki had to be out of town on business so I was unable to play with him, but he was able to pass my leash(?) off to another couple, B and L. While I enjoy the hell out of what Loki and I do, it's always good to experience different play styles every once in a while. On top of that, B and L don't get into the Boy/sir dynamic either, it was an interesting change of pace to not have to end each sentence with "Sir". All in all, things were more casual and laid back, it felt like I was on the same level as them, but I just happened to be the sub at the moment.

Anyway, onto the details.

Friday night marked another gear night at The Atlanta Eagle and we all decided to go after a quick dinner. I had originally been under the impression that B would be taking most of the lead regarding bondage and its application to me, but L proved to be a very capable top and had me trussed up in no time. One of the important aspects of my position as a leather boy is that I prefer to be told what to wear. L decided that he wanted me in my green flight suit and boots (OVER the pant legs) for the evening and I happily obliged. After about half on hour of going over and comparing gear (L has a HUUUUUUGE thing for winter gear) and with our departure to The Eagle rapidly approaching, L decided it was time to get me in something a little more leathery. He started off by sticking my hands in a pair of puppy mitts and strapping them on tightly. A clip between them ensured I wasn't going to be doing anything on my own for the near future. A balaclava, blindfold and gag were quickly applied under a head wrap and I was left with little recourse but to get on my knees and wait for whatever was coming next. "Next" turned out to be a couple of leather belts attached to my elbows, forcing them close together behind my back and pulling my wrists into my stomach, restricting my movement even further.

Unfortunately, the restraints would be systematically removed as the night progressed. Before we got in the car, B insisted that my wrists be unclipped, citing Georgia law regarding consensual kink (there is no such thing according to them) and I had to ask that the gag and blindfold be removed (motion sickness). I was however able to spend the entire trip in the backseat of B's car in the mitts with my elbows still restrained, which was a huge treat. Once we got to the bar, L removed the belts on my elbows so I was just wearing the mitts and I stayed like that for about an hour until L decided I'd had enough and removed them completely. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a teensy bit bummed out, I could have easily kept them on for the entire visit, but alas, no one wanted to push me that far.

We went back to B's house before I bid them goodnight and left for the evening.

One of my least favorite parts about playtime is the waiting that leads up to it. The last few hours before a session with Sir, or the days before an event drive me insane. So to get around that I came up with the ingenious plan to stay up late on Saturday so I would wake up later on Sunday and be that much closer to Dominion. As such, I woke up at 10AM Sunday morning and had just enough time to eat, shower, shave and do all my prep before 1:30 rolled around and I had to leave.

Loki has been pushing me to get more into serving as a demo boy at events and such not, so I was eager to jump at the chance to act as the living art for the meet and greet portion of the party. Within 30 minutes of my arrival at 1763, Master Dan had me pinned with pipes in the cage and suspended a few inches off the floor. Never having been put on display like this before, the experience was interesting enough to warrant me doing it again at some point.

Once the ice had broken and everyone split off into the various dungeon rooms, Dan let me out of the cage and turned me over to B and L. So as not to push me too far too fast, L had me fetching extra supplies and such not for him to use while he tied B in one of the contraptions at 1763. Of course, this wasn't my first rodeo and I was a teensy bit bored, but I didn't want to say anything since B and L were busy doing their own thing. Dan came to the rescue with Loki's straitjacket and I was quickly in an enforced self bear-hug, which is always fun.

My memory's a bit fuzzy here, so I'll skip ahead to the most exciting part of the evening: my first sleepsack experience. On the one hand, the experience of complete helplessness is exhilarating. L had to carry me around 1763 in order to get me in position for what came next and it was great. On the other hand, sleep sacks make it harder to get at the fun parts on the sub, but L (and a bunch of other folks too) got around that by tickling the crap out of me. After tying me to the rope web vertically, L strapped a muzzle over my head and blindfolded me while K and M (from last time) wandered over.

I'm not entirely sold on tickling. I understand the reasons for it, but I'm one of those types who doesn't really care for outrageously loud laughter in a scene. But that's just like, my opinion, man, and it doesn't really matter what I think once I'm strapped into a muzzle and shrieking like a tickle me Elmo. I am eternally thankful that there isn't video from this event.

Once I'd had enough with the tickling and the sleep sack, L let me out so I could cool down to grab some water and a snack. After a few minutes in the break room, B took me back out into the main area and strapped into a heavy-duty Mr. S straitjacket that fit surprisingly well. I spent the remainder of Dominion in that and it was pure bliss, struggling against the thick, unforgiving leather every few minutes, resting on my knees when my back got too tired etc.

All too soon though, 7PM rolled around and it was time to clean up everything and head out. Equally remarkable were some of the other guys getting their play on. M (from last time) has serious wrestling fetish and it was awesome (and hot!) to see him in action with someone else finally (I wasn't comfortable wrestling M last time due to some safety concerns on my part). K scored some time in the sleep sack after me and was on the receiving end of some awesome looking bastidano. Master Dan saw even more scenes along the same line that I didn't even notice until I read about them on his blog.

All in all, I doubt this weekend would have been very much fun if B and L hadn't agreed to hold my leash. I'm eternally grateful to the both of them and I look forward to more play with them (and everyone else) in the future.

Time passes

2011-09-08T09:25:00.001-07:00

It has been a while since my last blog post/scene recap, so I suppose I should put something here. The problem is I don't have anything to post about. I originally started my blog as a way to document my ascension (or decension rather?) from an inexperienced man to a seasoned, submissive boy. Three months after my first experience, I think I'm there. Of course, "there" is an ever-changing, nebulous goal so I'll never be "there", but I've become comfortable enough with the routine that every experience is mind-blowing anymore.

That's the biggest takeaway from all of this: I'm way comfortable doing these things now than I was when I first started. Like I said in my post about SELF, I didn't want anyone to touch my cock or even go near that area. A month after that I was tied to a wall at 1763 and getting mercilessly edged. Even my biggest barriers and hangups about assplay are breaking down now. Q3 2011 has been one hell of a ride and some of the most fun I've ever had. I'll say it again, thank you to everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) who's given me advice or even just spoken with me about this. You really have truly changed my life for the better.

Of course, it's not all about the bondage and getting jerked off. I've been out of the closet now for two years and I never felt like I was very good at this whole "being gay" thing. I'm straight-acting, I don't give off a vibe, my "gaydar" is completely ineffectual. And then I became friends with Loki and other men, men who have been where I am, who could give me the advice and confidence I need to maybe start a relationship. This past weekend for example, Loki talked* me into going to the LGBT parties at Dragon*Con. I would have never even considered doing anything like that before now, but a little bit of confidence is a powerful thing. I went, I met some awesome folks and I had a good time. Most importantly though, I wasn't at all nervous about it. No leg shaking, no tunnel vision, nothing like that. Just a confident, cute** boy chatting up other cute boys. It was awesome. Thank you sir.

*Ok, he technically locked me in a puppy collar and had dragged me around on a leash, but my point still stands.

**Cute AND modest!

Alright, lets not beat around the bushes, we all know why we're here. I've been lazy about recapping my sessions, so you'll have to make do with a chronological overview via pictures.

I played with K and M again, this is me spreadeagled on their futon.

And the ingenious gridwall. :D

Fresh, fantastic haircut.

Gear night at The Eagle. (Thanks to atlantarubber for finding the UA shirt at a thrift store and thinking of me :) )

Photos from my shoot at 1763 are available on my various profiles, linked at the top of the sidebar.

Amateur Night at The Eagle

2011-08-19T06:11:00.000-07:00

This past Friday, Loki/Sir dragged me out to Atlanta's leather bar, The Eagle, mostly to introduce me to the friend's He's made in the last year or so and to show off His new boy (that's me!). I was, of course, exceptionally nervous. I've never been to a gay bar before, let alone a gay leather bar. Had I not received my training collar two days before, I would have most likely backed out completely. However, seeing as how a collar means "hands-off" to almost everyone (even those not in the lifestyle), I felt ok about it.

Friday morning, Loki and I traded a flurry of IMs addressing my questions and concerns about the evening. I knew that, as his boy, He would have expectations for how I was to dress for the evening. Luckily for me, the dress code for a leatherboy is relatively straightforward: a t-shirt and jeans that fit, black leather boots laced over the pant legs and of course, a collar. Of course, the only boots I have are a pair of old-school, scuffed-to-all-hell combat boots I picked up at a thrift store for about $10 a few years ago. They were passable for a first-timer though, so I stuck with them.

Before I could do that though, I needed to swing by Target to grab a t-shirt, socks and belt to complete my leatherboy ensemble. Part of my new position as Loki's boy means that I have to wear the training collar as much as possible, including Target. I slipped it on in the parking lot (sans lock, baby steps, you know) and proudly strode through the doors. Part of me hoped that people would stare or point, another part hoped things would go smoothly. Fortunately, the latter is what actually happened. Perhaps it was the demographics of that particular store, or maybe collars are more mainstream now, but it was business as usual.

That done, my next stop was The Eagle to meet Loki for dinner before the evening began. I parked in the lot out back, He gave me a quick tour of the bar and then we went back outside so I could put on my boots before we walked up the street to grab some food. As I've said before, hanging out in a vanilla setting and talking shop is a lot of fun for me and this dinner was no exception.

With dinner over, we wandered back down to The Eagle and staked out a spot on the back porch. By this point I started to get into the boy mentality as best I could. I made an effort to stand out of the way, be as helpful as possible and basically let Loki enjoy me as He pleased. This mostly consisted of him holding me close in a bear hug and me floating off into subspace.

As the night wore on, more and more people started to arrive (it was, after all, a Friday) and I was able to meet some of the movers and shakers of Atlanta's Gay Leather scene, including Sir Alan and his boy, Nitro, just back from winning the Mister International Leather Sir and boy titles for 2011 (congratulations to them both). Shortly after this we moved inside to where the Panther Leather/Levi Club (Panther LL) had taken over a bar to raise money for their community service projects.

We spent the remainder of the evening socializing and having our boots blacked by a pair of wonderful ladies getting ready to compete for a regional title at the end of September. Loki informed that He expected me to become familiar with the bootblacking process as well. I'm sure there will be more of that in the near future.

It's Saturday Night Bind!

2011-08-16T06:07:00.001-07:00

EDIT: I also want to point out Loki's expectations for someone in my position. It's an excellent read.

Last weekend I managed to sneak away and spend a few hours with Loki (My new Sir) and some of His friends at Master Dan's for an evening of playtime and related fun. As always, my expectations for this session were far exceeded by what actually happened, both in terms of what I experienced and the barriers I broke through.

Things started off fairly slow, Loki collared me right off the bat with a nice thick leather collar with an o-ring on the front. A few minutes later, I was sitting on a bench with my wrists chained behind my back in "timeout" because I had broken chastity that morning. I was however able to spectate DJ getting suspended in a straitjacket and K getting saran wrapped to a column and edged, so not all was lost.

Once those scenes were complete, I was released and promptly chained to the bench so that I was bent over it on my knees with my back exposed. Shortly thereafter I was blindfolded with the spandex hood and left to ponder what would come next. K was nice enough to give me a foot massage while Loki prepared for what was about to come. Suddenly the foot massage stopped and the room fell strangely quiet in anticipation. Completely out of nowhere I felt a sharp, burning sensation on my left shoulder blade. Wax play! It had been on my list of things that I wanted to try but I never expected to do it this soon. Seeing that I was perfectly happy to receive it, Loki continued dribbling tiny globs of liquid wax onto my back for the next 10-15 minutes. Thanks to plenty of reading on the subject, I knew that the strong and silent types suffered more pain with this sort of thing so I knew I'd be best off making as much noise as I felt necessary to lessen the pain. It didn't get me very far when Loki unleashed a torrent of wax for the finale though.

After we finished up with that (and my back had been iced down and de-waxed), Loki, K and I regrouped downstairs to chat about the various experiences while we tried to figure out what would happen next. At least, that's what K and I did, I get the impression that Loki had planned out the entire evening thanks to the homework assignment he gave me earlier in the week. After a few minutes, He had me lock a collar on K's neck and toss him in the cage set up under Master Dan's playroom. Once I rejoined him in the main room, He slowly pulled my singlet the rest of the way down and had me step out of it so I was standing in just my underwear. Then He put me in a bear hug and started bringing into subspace. Biting my ears, tickling my stomach and forcing my abs to clench, some light edging and kissing is all it took and I was His. I obediently followed Him back to the cage room where He had me sit on the edge of a mattress while He sat down next to me and held me close.

I was deep into subspace at this point but I knew what was coming next. We'd talked about it over IM earlier and I knew we were both ready. He had me lay down with my head in his lap, gazing up into His eyes. He smiled coyly as His hands ran up and down my arms, abs, crotch and legs. And then I felt one of His hands slip under the waistband of my underwear and start massaging my cock. I immediately tensed up, this was an unusual sensation for me. It had happened at previous events, but only through a singlet or underwear. No man had ever gotten this hands-on with me before. It was only going to get better though. After a few minutes of edging me he pulled the waistband almost all the way down so it propped up my cock and balls. I giggled, not believing what was happening to me. Of course, this ruined the mood and He told me to stop which only made it worse. So He held me down and slapped my cock, telling me again to stop laughing. By this point I was in complete hysterics, completely unable to control my laughter. Eventually I calmed down enough for Him to have me sit up so He could take my underwear all the way off and not give it back. Then He dragged me out of the cage room and back into the main area to help me get over my fear of public nudity.

A few appreciative comments about my endowment later and all my fear evaporated. Just like all the other barriers I'd broken through over the last four sessions, there was absolutely nothing to be afraid of. After some idle chitchat, Loki grabbed me by my collar and pulled me over the spanking bench, which I was promptly tied to. Holy hell did I feel vulnerable with my ass exposed like that. Loki knew that sex and related business is off limits, so it was quite obvious as to why I was tied down. My theory was confirmed as Loki grabbed a paddle from the nearby pile and started spanking me. Just like everything else, it started slowly and gradually worked up me to shouting "FUCK" after every hit. A few minutes in I was blindfolded with a padded disc blindfold while Loki continued to work me over, alternately beating my ass and teasing/edging me. Eventually He put a glove on one hand and worked on me with that. It was definitely a unique sensation, not knowing for sure if it was Him or someone else running their hands up and down my back. Deciding I'd had enough, He moved back towards my head and once again, taking advantage of my position, grabbed my hair and forced me to make out with him for a few moments.

He decided that I'd had enough of that and untied me before He slowly helped me off the bench and back on my feet. I hugged Him, got a glass of water and stole a seat on the couch between Him and K while Master Dan regaled us with stories and experiences from His past. Loki had me try on a silicone ball spacer (loved it) while K got a chance to try out the infamous ball crusher (veeeeeeery interested). I stood around for a few moments, and noting that nothing seemed to be happening, told Loki that I felt a little too free at the moment. Seeing as how he was in the middle of a mandatory break, Master Dan offered to let me try out his bondage bed.

Now this thing is a work of art. It's a few layers of plywood+support beams, wrapped in leather and padding with metal hooks lining each side, suspended from the ceiling by six chains. It feels sturdy and it's intimidating as hell. Combine that with Master Dan's expert ropework and you're in for one hell of a ride. Which is exactly what happened to me. He started slowly, loosely tying my wrists to the middle support chain with just enough slack so that I could almost-but-not-quite reach my cock. He then focused on securing my upper arms and followed up with an intricate web securing my thighs, legs and ankles in place. Once that was done, he took a smaller rope and ran it between my legs, crisscrossing back and forth between the harness. Now I couldn't move my legs together or apart. He used a similar technique to secure my upper body: a smaller rope was crisscrossed over my arms and chest, looped around a hook on the edge and then the process was repeated. By the time he was done, the only things I could move were my feet and head. The former was addressed by means of a pulley and some rope tied to my foot and balls, so when I moved my foot, the rope pulled my balls. I stopped moving my feet shortly thereafter. The movement of my head was addressed by Loki joining us and holding it down, either with a hand on my forehead on with His lips on (in and around) my mouth.

What is bondage without torment though? Not content to let me lay there and stew in my haze of endorphins, Master Dan had the brilliant idea to stick every vibrator in the house on top of my cock. Keep in mind that Loki still hadn't given me permission to shoot, so I was focusing most of my willpower on not making a mess. A few minutes of this though and I was about ready to lose it completely. All too soon they started untying me and the evening slowly wound down. Loki held me and helped me come back from the subspace I'd been in since the hot wax.

In the grand scheme of things, this was probably my most important session to date, both in terms of what I was able experience and my developing relationship with Loki as my Sir. At the same time, the confidence boost I got from being naked in front of people is going to have a profoundly positive impact on future play plans. I've stopped feeling like some new kid who's just trying to fake it and more like someone who could do this sort of thing for a long, long time. We'll have to see what happens though.

The Deep End

2011-08-05T18:03:00.001-07:00

Oh boy, I’ve done it now…

A few weeks ago, I told loki that I wanted to explore my submissive side by becoming his boy. Keep in mind that, a year ago, he was going through a similar process (which he documented on his blog) and that being a “sir” was a completely new experience for him.

But it looks like he caught the urge too so now here we are: Every time we’ve played together I’ve had a collar locked around my neck and his name is Sir. Jerking off without his permission is verboten^1 and now I’ve got a homework assignment:

Loki: part of what’s in my raft is the willingness of the boy to do some introspection and occasional homework assignments. So here’s your assignment:

Loki: Four lists

Loki: 3-5 things you’ve done and loved, 3-5 things you’ve done and haven’t enjoyed

Loki: 3-5 things you really want to do

Loki: And anything that’s absolutely off limits

Things I’ve loved
- Being submissive - Slap a collar, some handcuffs and a leash on me and you’ve got a sub. Tell me I can’t jerk off and I’ll be hard as a rock. Give me orders and I’ll melt into a puddle of endorphin-fueled bliss^2.
- Flogging - Oh lord flogging is awesome.
- Topping - Having power of someone else is awesome. My bottom of choice is a wonderfully sensitive guy with buttons to press all over his body. And he hates being in public in just a jock.
- Straitjackets - It’s like you can’t stop hugging yourself! That aside, there’s something about being strapped into a SJ, blindfolded and left kneeling somewhere that really appeals to me.
- Wrestling - I’ve only done it once, but had I been thinking, I would have asked the top to tie me up once I was pinned.
- Talking - For the last decade, I’ve been into bondage and gear. For the last five-seven years I’ve been scouring the internet, trying to find what interests me. But I never engaged. I had empty profiles on Recon and GearFetish for years before I put anything into them. But my second day at SELF I met the group I play with and was able to speak freely and openly about my bondage and gear fetishes. It was amazing to just shoot the shit like that.
Things I haven’t enjoyed
- Tickling - Not that I really have an opinion when I’m chained to a wall, but tickling kinda takes me out of the headspace. But if the top likes it, well then I don’t really have another option.
- Gags - It sucks and I hate it more than anything, but I’ve got a highly active gag reflex. For the time being, gags that fill the mouth behind the teeth are a no-go. Bar/bit gags and muzzles are preferred.
- Standing bondage - I’ve been tied to walls and cages several times over the last month and I’ll tell you what, my back is killing me. I’ll be the first to admit, 1763 isn’t exactly set up for me to lie down, but I think a balance of standing/sitting/kneeling/lying down would be ideal.
- Pup Play - I’ve done this a little bit, but was unable to get into the proper headspace. Of course, this also happened at 1763 in front of about 40 other guys, so that’s not entirely unexpected. I do want to try it again though.
Things I really want to do
- Get punished - Everything you can think of, from stress positions to hair pulling is on the table if I act out.
- Roleplay/Interrogation - I know it sounds a bit silly, but I can think up a few scenarios I’d like to play out one day. They all tie in nicely withâ€¦
- Gear fetishes - Karate uniforms, wetsuits, football uniforms, basically any sports gear + bondage is something I’d like to explore even more, now that I’ve started doing this for real.
- Long term captivity - I’d love to be kept in some form of restraint for a whole weekend one day. Fist mitts and a muzzle? Locked in a cage? Chained to a pole in your basement?
Things that are off limits
- Poppers or drugs of any sort - Common sense more than anything. I’ve read far too many horror stories about this sort of thing and it’s one of many reasons why I do my due diligence^3.
- Sounding - Nope. Don’t get the appeal. Keep that away from my dick.
- Scat/WS/Blood/Permanent Marks - Absolutely not.
- Sex of any kind - Two reasons. First, bondage is sex for me. Fucking doesn’t really add anything to the scene. And second, I’m saving myself for that special someone ;)
- Other things - An apology in advance: I don’t know what my limits are just yet. It’s only a matter of time before one of the unknowns pops up in the middle of a scene and I have to safeword out.

So there you have it. That’s me in a nutshell.

Footnotes

I’ve been under this rule for about 24 hours now and it sucks. At the same time though, I got up early this morning and was at work 45 minutes before I was supposed to be. Go figure.
Side thought: I’m normally a very alpha, leader type person. Never thought I’d be into this sort of thing but here I am.
EVERYONE should do due diligence on prospective play partners. Play safe damnit!

Third time's the charm

2011-07-12T06:36:00.000-07:00

One, big, sweaty gropefest of a charm. A bridge building, barrier breaking charm.

Last month at SELF, the gentlemen I played with were kind enough to invite me to a regional play party for all the gay and bisexual guys into kink around Atlanta. Being the horny, innocent guy I was, I said I'd love to and spent the next month in a state of constant excitement/nervousness, in keeping with my previous posts.

I think rather than try to summarize things chronologically, it would be best to go through my experiences one by one, starting with my favorite.

The biggest, most important event of the evening was breaking through my biggest barrier: my cock. Up 'til now I've been incredibly nervous about it, the way it looks, the way it behaves. However, an unexpected guest, who shall remain nameless, unaware of my limits in that area, went right for it, skipping the pleasantries. So here I was, presented with a challenge. This stranger I had only known for two hours was suddenly getting very personal with my dick, something that hadn't happened since my last physical when I was in 8th grade. Should I stop him, I thought to myself, or just go with it? Everyone in the room could sense my hesitation.

I elected to go with it. And let me tell you, that was the right decision. The ice was broken and the fun really started. The stranger, who I'll call M from here on, spent the next 15 minutes or so groping, choking and tickling me while his partner (who I'll call K) got some sensation play done to him by loki.

The second, but far more fun thing was me topping K. I had been considering it for some time, but after M broke the ice I decided I would do it. The only problem was, K was a teensy bit nervous about being around so many people. The only way I saw to fix that was to put a collar and leash on him with his hands cuffed behind his back while he was wearing nothing but an underarmour jockstrap. We did that for a few minutes (someone trying to give a handjob with their wrists cuffed is the cutest thing...) before I had a huge brainwave.

After about five minutes of trying to wrangle gear and a space, I finally had K standing against a wall with his wrists and ankles chained off to the corners, leaving his entire body completely exposed. Not being one to waste a good thing, I took advantage of the situation and gave him what I thought was a very good sensation play session from a beginner. Trusting my instincts, I did whatever felt right, pinching his nipples, choking him a little bit or even just embracing him. It felt absolutely incredible. The reaction I got from pinching his nipples and handgagging him was amazing. Having that sort of control felt natural and right. I think I'm a true switch.

Breaking the ice with M lead directly to the fourth important thing, the one-on-one session I had with loki after I finished with K. In Dos, I talked at length about what he put me through to give me my first experience as a sub. With one of my limits removed however, this second experience was far more meaningful in terms of how I perceive him now and in the future.

Having bad experiences is a good thing as well, which is why number five is the suspension bondage I got to experience. From the get go, my physique made the suspension incredibly painful. The pressure on my hands from the cuffs was concentrated in my left palm, detracting a huge part of my mind from the experience. Not that it was all bad, the helplessness was a great feeling, especially when loki stepped on the chains linking the ankle restraints. Unfortunately, there was a lot of tickling involved.

Let me stop here and say that, while I didn't particularly care for it, I understand tickling's place in a top's arsenal. Furthermore, while it's not a limit, I really, really hate getting tickled, hence why I was mercilessly tickled by K, M and loki.

At one point, loki brought out a ballgag so they could keep my shrieking laughter down to a dull roar. I'm a huge proponent of gags, I think they make every scene better, but they're not really for me as a bottom. For a while, I managed to hold my own, enjoying my newfound inability to speak. But then, something happened and my overactive gag reflex triggered. I jolted, almost nailed loki in the balls and had to spit the gag out (thank god it wasn't buckled). The blame lies mostly on me though, I knew about my gag reflex and neglected to mention it when they first started talking about gags. Like I said though, bad experiences are good for your experience overall. I wont make that mistake with gags again.

There were other amazing experiences that night as well too. The straitjacket from SELF made a reappearance, as did the hood. I spent about half an hour in the SJ and hood, but I wouldn't have minded skipping the entire thing. That night was about taking things slow and easing myself into things. The party though was more about exploring my boundaries and limits, learning new things, getting more experience etc. I should say though that the SJ+hood combo got me in a really submissive space, especially since I was kneeling on the floor for a few minutes totally alone and blind.

I also got my first taste of pup play (thanks to whoever loaned out their fistmitts), being forced to crawl on all fours around the dungeon on a leash. If I do any of that in the future though, I'll have to dedicate more time to getting into the proper headspace. I never got past just being on all fours. Something to think about in the future. Plus, I'll also need some knee pads.

All in all, I had a fantastic evening and I'm eternally grateful to everyone who made it possible. Special thanks to M for blowing right through that barrier accidentally. I don't know how I would have gotten past it on my own.

Dos

2011-07-04T07:02:00.000-07:00

Saturday, atlloki and I attended an educational forum at 1763 (a local dungeon) with some playtime afterwards. He wanted to practice his ropework and I wanted to get tied up so it was a pretty good match.

I had earlier voiced my interest in being collared for an event and loki was happy to make that happen. He started me off with a short choke chain locked loosely around my neck. Like I mentioned in my last post, collars seem to really trigger my submissive side and this collar seemed to amplify that effect 10-fold. Not content with just that, he added a second brown leather collar strapped on (but not locked) tightly around my neck. Whereas the chain and lock were relatively light, this collar had some real weight to it and it stayed in the back of my mind all night.

Once I was properly collared we sat in on the evening's main event: a talk about "landmines in the lifestyle". While I personally don't (think I) have any "landmines" it did make me more aware that others might and that you should ALWAYS talk to your top/bottom before a scene. Once that was done, we helped clear the tables and chairs out of the way and the fun could begin.

After we had secured our play area, loki told me it was time to start. Without batting an eye, I took off my shirt and jeans to reveal the new singlet I got early last week. Now I'm not going to lie here, I look damn good in any singlet and this one was no exception. No sags, no bunching, just a thin layer of polyester/spandex blend conforming to every inch of my upper body, leaving little to the imagination. loki got to work and quickly had me wrapped in a tight foundation harness which he then used to secure my wrists and arms. This is what I looked like.

I've never been tied up with rope, so I'm not really qualified to judge him on the overall quality, but I had zero chance of escaping my bonds so he did a damn fine job in my book. By the time he was finished, I was standing straight as a rail lashed to a post at my shoulders, wrists, knees and ankles, unable to move anything except my hands.

Unfortunately, I'm not used to standing in one spot without moving for long periods of time so I had to be untied rather quickly. After a quick rest and water break, we moved into one of the quieter side rooms. Loki showed me some of the knots he had just used on me and gave me a chance to try them on my own. I asked some more "no question is too stupid" questions and ended with "hey, think I can try on that neoprene blackout hood?".

Neoprene and I go back a few years. A wetsuit from Dick's Sporting Goods was one of the first things I purchased thanks to the freedom of my driver's license. I've spent many an hour at home, (self) bound in my closet, letting the heat turn the inside into a neopreney-smelling sauna, emerging with a smell that clings to me even after a heavy shower.

This was, to date, the heaviest hood I've worn and I (think) I took it like a champ, wearing it for about five minutes. The combination of being unable to see and having my airflow slightly restricted, as exciting as it is, can make me feel a bit panicky. I would have had to bail a lot sooner if loki hadn't been touching me, letting me know he was there the whole time.

The hood came off, I checked out my hair in the mirror (hood hair = awesome hair) and we tried to decide what to do next. One of the other players wandered into our room and mentioned to loki that one of his friends was getting tied in the main room and that he should check it out. Right as he was getting up to leave I had a massive lightbulb go off in my head and I asked him to wait for a second.

I fished through his toybox, pulled out about 10 feet of rope and then grabbed the handcuffs out of my bag. I shackled my wrists in front, threaded the rope through the D-ring on the leather collar and handed the end to loki. I was a bit apprehensive about this part. I perceived that I was asking someone who was mostly submissive to take on a significantly dominant role in order to fulfill one of my fantasies. He was happy to take on the role however, leading me around the dungeon to spectate the other scenes, keeping the rope taught the whole time, reminding me that I was, in fact, the sub.

A few minutes into it, I really started to get into the submissive headspace. I tended to stay close to him and kept my head down, staring at the floor for the most part. He reciprocated by pulling in most of the slack on the leash to the point where I was unable to move any direction.

Perhaps he intended to do it all along, or maybe I tipped him off, but loki ramped it up after this point. He pulled me back to the room where we were set up and made me wait while he rifled through his toybox until he found what he was looking for: a spandex hood with a built in blindfold. It was slipped over my head and I said to myself "Self, surely he doesn't expect you to walk around blind on a leash with your hands cuffed, does he?" He did indeed. However, as before with the neoprene hood, he was in contact with me the entire way, switching between guiding me with a hand on my shoulder or shortening the leash to only a few inches. Finally he had me where he wanted me and pulled down on the leash until I was kneeling on the floor of the main dungeon.

In the past, I've been dismissive of "subspace", thinking it wasn't really my deal. Bondage is sex etc. But the things loki did, the sensation play, the embraces, the light breath control, got me in deep. It was incredible. After what felt like a few minutes (closer to 15) of light sensation play (fingernails dragged up and down my arms etc), he looped part the leash rope around my neck and applied some light pressure, just enough to cut off my airflow for a few seconds at a time. The first time he did this I was caught completely off guard but it was insanely hot. After this he went back to the sensation play before he slipped his fingers under my singlet and found my nipple. With one hand he started pinching softly, working it up to a sharp pain while he used the other hand to cut off my airflow again. I was more excited than I had ever been in my life.

Loki finally stood up and pulled me to my feet. Unsure of what to do or what was coming next, I stood there with my wrists cuffed and blindfolded until he slowly pulled the hood off my head. I wasn't sure what to expect. Would he be in some sort of sadistic topspace? Would I be cut loose and left to deal with whatever crazy feelings I had on my own? The hood came off and I opened my eyes, adjusting to the dim light of the room. And there he was, staring me dead in the eye, a slight smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He embraced me in a deep hug and let me stay like that for a while.

Five minutes and a few nipple pinches later, he took me back to the set up area and told me to take a seat before he handed me a cup of water. He sat next to me and watched while I came back to reality, making sure, I assume, that I had no problems. My hands were uncuffed, the collars were unlocked and I was free again after spending my first six hours as a sub.

If I had to sum up that night, I'd say that it was an important second step on what is shaping up to be a long, exciting journey. The discoveries I made have blown my mind wide open and I'm incredibly excited for what comes next. The next two months are shaping up to be very busy and very fun.

My First Time

2011-06-16T18:29:00.000-07:00

It's been about 48 hours since my first "real" experience and I'm still trying to process what happened. Up until around 11 PM on Saturday (henceforth referred to as point zero) all my experience with BDSM had been at my own hand, the product of almost a decade of self bondage play. However, thanks to a combination of several different factors, I was able to experience my first real bondage.

The first, and probably most important factor was the group of guys I was able to meet and hang out with at SELF 16. atlantarubber, ragincajun, atlloki, sirbrian1976 and prophet812 (dj) were all shockingly nice people in person, doubly so when they learned about my kinky-but-innocent nature. I want to thank atlantarubber in particular for the words of advice he gave me about my limits. Lesson 1: You can still have a ton of fun even if you're not into having your dick or ass played with at all. atlloki sought me out specifically on Friday night and helped me feel more at home in my first few hours at SELF. SirBrian1976 invited me to spectate a flogging scene with him and prophet812 after he noticed me sitting alone and shivering (the host hotel was exceptionally cold and I was under dressed). prophet812 himself took the time to greet me the next day and later took the lead in dominating me. ragincajun and I didn't really have a chance to talk at length, as he was occupied for most of
Friday and Saturday getting his back and ass thoroughly flogged by atlantarubber. He was just as nice as everyone else, however.

The second factor was a sudden burst of confidence I had when I got home Friday night. I decided that I wasn't going to be a wet fish the next day, no sir. I was gonna stride into that hotel, find someone and ask if maybe I could get put in a rope harness later that night. I'd done my research, I knew these guys were sane, I knew SELF was a safe location and I knew it was time. This was my firs real opportunity to play and I wasn't going to let it go wooshing past me.

Ok, so I didn't stride in there like I owned the place, but I wasn't nearly as nervous when I showed up for my volunteer shift on Saturday afternoon. prophet812 came over to introduce himself again (he had been indisposed the previous evening). After a few moments of idle chitchat I knew time was running out so I swallowed my last bit of apprehension and dropped the question that will define a huge part of me for the rest of my life: "Who should I talk to about getting a rope harness tonight?"

He smiled. "Pretty much anyone, but what about a straitjacket?". And thus I learned my second important lesson of the weekend: just ask! There's no such thing as a stupid question. Even a minimal amount of effort on my part was rewarded with an offer to spend some time with one of my biggest fetishes.

The point of no return arrives. Before I really know what's happening, Brian says its time, tells me to take off my shirt and hold my arms out in front of me. He pulls the straitjacket up my arms and starts tightening the straps on the back. First the shoulder blades, then the lower back. He pulls my arms through the loop on the front and straps them down to the back. Then comes the crotch strap, the last piece of the puzzle. Once brian finishes tightening it to his satisfaction, he steps back and asks me how it feels.
"Fantastic!" I say. "Stand back, I want to test it."
And then I fought with everything I had to get out, to make one of the straps budge even a little bit. No give, no chance. I was finally stuck in something I truly could not escape from without assistance. The loss of control was incredible and about to get way, way better. We moved into one of the side rooms so atlantarubber could play with cajun and so I could be further restrained. My first instinct was to take a peek inside brian's toy bag, but he had different ideas and told me to sit down in a chair (my legs completely melted at this point, I was so excited).

Not being in a position to argue, I obliged and was rewarded with a pair of leg irons locked around my ankles with the chain running through part of the chair. Shortly thereafter, atlantarubber used some rope to tie me to the chair by my arms. I could pull on the ropes all I wanted but the weren't going to budge either. I spent a few minutes struggling, just enjoying my predicament before I asked brian if I could try a (light) hood. He was more than happy to let me try it out and had it quickly zipped over my head. Now I started to understand subspace better. Losing even just your sense of sight and the sense of isolation enhances your other senses, especially hearing and touch. I tried to decide what was coming next, who was standing where. Unable to do so, I tried to get the hood off but I didn't have any way to do so. I could have spent an hour like that, but I had other things I wanted to try too, so I asked them to take the hood off. Loki wandered back in from his volunteer duti
es and asked if he could punch my upper back a little bit (he was wearing boxing gloves as fist mitts). I said sure and he started punching, very softly at first but slowly ramping up enough to make me grunt with every impact. It was amazing, like a massage on steroids.

Once we'd had enough of that, dj offered to let me try on a blindfold. Unlike the hood from earlier, this was the real deal: padded foam around an empty center (like a donut) so you could open your eyes and still not see any light. I have never known such complete darkness. Like before, being blind enhanced my other senses, which dj took advantage of by dragging the tips of a light plastic flogger across the back of my head where my hairline meets my neck. It felt amazing, and got me even further into subspace. After that, they removed my blindfold, and tried to decide what else they could do to me. dj pulled out brian's collar and leash and looked at me. I nodded.

Brian untied my arms and released my ankles from the leg irons. He was going to leave them off but I wanted to keep them on even if they weren't keeping me in one place. dj walked over and secured the collar around my neck before attaching the leash. After ensuring that it wasn't hurting me, he started to walk me out of the room and into the main lobby area. Seeing as how this was my first experience ever though I wasn't going to let him just pull me around like that, so I fought back. I fought and fought to keep him from yanking me around but to no avail. My legs buckled and I had to basically leap across the room to keep from falling over. We repeated the process a few more times, him taking me wherever he wanted, even if I fought back. To have no control, no choice in what happened and no means to fight back was one of the funnest things I've ever done or experienced. After that, dj took me back to the room and had me kneel while he took the collar off.

I had earlier voiced my interest in trying out some wrestling on some mats provided and brian was happy to let me get in touch with my raw instincts. Truth be told, I wish I could say I mopped the floor with him but I am not the picture of masculinity. After five solid pins I had been thoroughly trounced and had to bow out. I'll have to work on my fitness regime (read: actually start one) and ask for a rematch. One positive note: I look damn good in a singlet.

And with that, my first time was over. I said my goodbyes, gave out a copious amount of hugs and thanked everyone profusely for one of the funnest nights of my life so far.

It's now been about 72 hours since 11PM Saturday (I took my time with this, wanted to make it good) and I think I've got a good handle on what happened and where I go from here. Everyone I played with has offered to answer any questions I have and invitations to play further have been extended. I don't know where I'll go from here, but I can tell you that things are about to get a lot more exciting.